i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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