god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
North Korea, Best Korea!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
