Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
