No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
