Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think my moral compass just broke
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