I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
