Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
