Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
