Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
