nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
