So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
