god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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