Betty ford says i'm here all night
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
