What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
pray to the hookup gods
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
