He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
