OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
