he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
