Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
