I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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