Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
