What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
