When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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