And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
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She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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