i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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