Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
