just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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