hotel room ftw
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
