She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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