speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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