Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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