I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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