Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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