At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
