I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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