if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
