Small penises have feelings too.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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