That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
