we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
