There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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