shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
Do you think heāll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
I need advice on ways to politely say āfuck you on your way to hellā.
Randomize
