Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
