i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i came on her dog
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
