I faked an abortion last night.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
