I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
