I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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