The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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