She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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