Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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