it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
