you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
