There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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