I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
