I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
