It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
