i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
