That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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