dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
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he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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