There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
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The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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