Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
