I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
