weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
