Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
