im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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