jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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