No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
