I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
