i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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