My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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