last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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