Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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