His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
