Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I am one with the molecules
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
