My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
