So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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